I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
