I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
