I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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