We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
