They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
where does the pee come out of this thing
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
do herpes really smell.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
