guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
