I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
