Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
