dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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