I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
