So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
