"it" just moved
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
