You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize