so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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