Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think a kid would responsible me up
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
