So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
