youre lurking in front of me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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