There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
