ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
