so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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