I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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