Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
