I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
