My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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