I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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