During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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