My brain says no but my pants say off.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
