so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
