The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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