it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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