First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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