i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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