Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So. Much. Porn.
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