if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
