I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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