Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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