Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
