I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In other news, I just burned my penis
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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