Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You're completely useless in the revolution.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
