after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
