It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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