i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
