let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize