We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize