evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
