My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
