While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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