you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
