ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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