my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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