literally had 100 drinks last night.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
