who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
