Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
