i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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