And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
me + whiskey = a bad person
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
