i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
