Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
