My nipple is on Facebook.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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