So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
