i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
