I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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