Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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