You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
