I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
