oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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