so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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