Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize