sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
