You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize