everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
