I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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