so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
