After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
