If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
