I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
