It was confusing and full of hummus
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize