Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
