made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
