last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
