Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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