Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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