new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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