i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
