Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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