thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
