I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
