Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
